On God, Flag, and Country

Someone recently told our new pastor I would not be at church for the Veteran's Day service. I was a little surprised since I had forgotten Veteran's Day was approaching and no one had said anything to me about it. How did someone else know the plans I had yet to even consider? I guess they were looking at my history. I did miss the Sunday closest to Veteran's Day a year ago because I was at a conference that weekend. The conference had nothing to do with Veteran's Day, but I will admit I wasn't disappointed by the timing. I tend to miss Memorial Day weekend because my mother was born on May 30th (Memorial Day's date before the Monday Holiday Bill set it adrift in 1968). We have a long family tradition of gathering for her birthday. This year I could have left after the Sunday morning service to visit her for her 92^nd birthday celebration, but chose to miss. I was at church for the Independence Day service in July, but apparently my absences for “God, Flag, and Country” Sundays speak louder than my presence. As they probably should. The unnamed person making a definitive statement concerning my plans for this fall was perhaps a bit presumptuous, but not far enough off base for me to take offense. And there is a possibility the second-hand version of the statement that came back to me contained more certainty than the original.

Will I be at church for Veteran's Day? I don't know, but probably. Church attendance is a habit for me whereas conflicting conferences are rare. I have concerns, but probably not enough commitment to them to make alternative plans for the day.

My concerns:

1. War is ridiculous. The leaders of two or more countries find themselves in conflict so they gather up a large number of young men in the prime of life, give them weapons, train them in the art of death and destruction, and see who can inflict enough death and destruction to prompt the other side to give up. How is this still happening in our times?

But, wait, there is more. The warriors, along with their parents and grandparents and lovers, are persuaded that God is on their side of the conflict and that they are defenders of righteousness, truth, and freedom. They must inflict death and destruction for the sake of their families back home, for God, flag, and country. The parents and grandparents and lovers lift up their young men as heroes as they dish out death and destruction on those on the other side of the conflict while the leaders who initiated the military action sit safely in their war rooms. Sometimes civilians are also killed in this process, but this is accepted as a cost of conflict. The young fighters are still heroes. This is seriously messed up!!

If you don't believe me that this is messed up, check in on the mental health of war veterans. The survivors, of course. But not those who serve behind the frontlines. Look at those who walk away with indelible images of war carnage haunting their days. See how they are doing. After the American Civil War, they called such people “shellshocked.” After Vietnam, we just recognized them as messed-up Vietnam vets. Now we have letters to describe it: PTSD. It's still the same. Killing other human beings and watching people die violent deaths has a terrible impact on the lives of those involved. As it should. We are made for protecting human life not extinguishing it, and we overcome that natural bent to our own peril.

2. The glorification of war and war “heroes” bothers me anyway, but even more so when it enters the church.

When I was a young adult, I started my campaign to protect our worship services by taking on the Easter Bunny. Not because I dislike the Easter Bunny. I think colored eggs and candy and bunnies are delightful symbols for celebrating spring and fertility and new life. (Rabbits are my favorite animal!) Outside the church walls. Inside the church walls, Easter/Resurrection Sunday is only and always about the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The Easter bunny can hop to and fro everywhere else, but can we keep this one sacred place sacred? It is the ONLY place where the focus is on God's power to overcome death with new life as demonstrated by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Why would we distract from that focus? There is wondrous beauty in the empty tomb that many struggle to grasp. Why would we interweave light-hearted myths and magic with it? Enjoy the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy! They are great!! But can we please refrain from inviting them into sacred spaces at the most sacred times of the church year?

I gave up on reforming the church long ago. Now I am content to simply not participate when secular interests get folded into worship. But even that is difficult. Even if I could close the church doors in the face of the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, I wouldn't want to shut out those who have served in the U.S. military. And the idea that God supports America's warriors and we must do the same by honoring our troops, current or past, as part of our Sunday morning worship is drilled into us from a young age. It is almost sacrilegious to question it. I can disappear on such Sundays, but that exposes me as someone who doesn't support the men and women currently or formerly serving in our armed forces, a serious offense in the eyes of many! Or maybe someone who doesn't understand that the military invites God into the midst of war by means of chaplains and prayers.

The bottom line is that I find war disturbing beyond words. I wish there were alternative paths for serving God and country that didn't involve training young men to kill and maim. I wish we as a country supported and honored service in the Peace Corp and similar programs like we support and honor military service. I wish, if military service remains a necessary evil because our leaders find it impossible to come up with civilized means for conflict resolution, we could at least acknowledge each enlistment as a sign of unspeakable failure on the part of those leaders.

But that isn't where we are. My pastor reminded me that the military supports chaplains and prayer. I didn't remind him that, regardless of those prayers, causing the violent death of another human does permanent damage to the psyche of those doing it. The wreckage on both sides is beyond comprehension. But I had no words to convey that conviction, nor to explain why it bothers me so much to see those involved in the military put on a pedestal rather than wrapped in arms of healing and compassion and begged for forgiveness for whatever extent they were subjected to the horrors of war.

I don't have answers to the incredible puzzle of war still existing in these times. And I certainly can't change the mindset that God is honored when we honor those offering their lives to the service of leaders with such limited skills and imagination for peacemaking that they resort to sending “the boys” out to kill and maim each other in order to “settle” international conflict. I can't fix it. I just wish I didn't have to be part of celebrating it. But even those noting my opposition to such celebrations have shown no interest in hearing my concerns. So I share them here in the blogosphere. And so it goes. . 

Not that anyone has actually asked me, but again I ask myself: Will I be at church for the Veteran's Day service? Probably. I too am part of this country that believes more in military might than the peaceable Kingdom of God. And I am part of a congregation that supports this worldview by honoring war veterans on Veteran's Day. I am too worn down and worn out to stage a protest. And so we will have God, flag, and country. My convictions will be simply one more (admittedly minor) casualty in a long string of casualties. 

The flag I will be waving is the white flag of surrender and defeat. 

On Generosity

This week I added one more book to the backlog on my Kindle -- The Paradox of Generosity: Giving We Receive, Grasping We Lose by Christian Smith & Hilary Davidson. Even the little I have read thus far in the introduction says what I have already discovered with the help of the Bible and a few decades of living: a generous life is a blessed life.

Having just purchased the book, it was fresh in my mind today as my husband and I headed to WonderLab Science Museum in Bloomington, Indiana, with our grandchildren. We had never been there and took advantage of the availability of children during their fall school break to legitimize our visit. As one might guess from the name, it's a Wonder-full place, full of hands-on science of all types, from simple toy collections to the mystery of a mind challenge game where two people wearing headbands with forehead sensors compete to direct a small steel ball to one goal or the other using only their minds while their brain activity is shown on a screen. (The three-year-old won this game!)

One of the simplest stations was an area with a large collection of plastic cups donated by a local pizza joint. Our fifth-grader started stacking them into a tower, as did his little sister. Of course, they were frequently knocked over as kids came and went, but after a while it was just the two of them building and one kid, maybe 7 or 8 years old, who would periodically plow through the area knocking everything down. The grandkids were getting frustrated by this and my (grand)mother bear instinct kicked in, prompting me to position myself as a shield between this "wrecker" and the tower under construction. He then settled onto a stool at the station next to the cup area and didn't try to get past me as the project was completed.

After photographing the finished creation with its architect, I quietly asked my grandson if it would be all right to let this other kid knock it down. He was a little surprised by the suggestion, but his generous nature prevailed and he agreed. The "wrecker" was even more surprised when I asked if he wanted to knock it over, but after double-checking to see if I meant it, he sent the cups flying. My grandson then wandered off, but the 3-year-old and I stayed. The "wrecker" also stayed and started building his own tower, the first attempt to build instead of destroy I had observed.

A bit later, the other kid had moved on again and my grandson returned with the aspiration to build the biggest tower of all. He was a little discouraged, however, by how precarious all this building was. Then inspiration hit. We decided to stack the cups against the wall. Now both grandchildren started working together and soon the other kid came back and started to help. Being an oldest child, my grandson was a bit critical of the work of both younger children, but I persuaded him they were being careful and doing well and the project quickly grew to the point where I had to take over because it was above the reach of the children. The other kid pulled over the stool from the neighboring station and climbed on it to help me with the highest row either of us could reach. We took a photo and I started a search for a taller person to move us up further, having doubts about the acceptability of standing on the stool myself. Help arrived after a while in the form of an employee who stood on the stool and added two more rows before we ran entirely out of cups. (I had not observed it, but the kids noted that the "wrecker" had stomped on and broken several cups. It was fine, though. We had the exact number needed to do the highest row even the employee on the stool could reach.)

It was a wonderful accomplishment. Multiple people had a chance to admire the masterpiece before a toddler did what toddlers do. Moving faster than his mother could follow, he ran over and pulled a cup out of the tower at his toddler level, sending all the cups to the floor in a magnificent crash!

Such a simple building opportunity in a place with many more sophisticated stations. And such a simple act of generosity that turned our "enemy" into a coworker. Instead of ending the day thinking that kid did nothing but destroy our work, we became partners.

One thing that lay behind my decision to buy the book by Smith & Davidson was watching an example of the opposite of generosity. Someone left a faith community after a church vote didn't go their way and over the course of a few weeks collected up and carried out every item they had apparently "loaned," rather than donated to the church during their many years of membership, leaving empty spaces all over the church building. There was talk of changing the locks, but I was glad to hear later no such action had been taken. Responding to miserliness with heightened security simply spreads the lack of generosity. If someone excelling in the “rules” of Christianity as they understand them (including the commandments against theft) is that injured, they probably need to be allowed to do what they feel justified in doing. And as it turned out, someone else was in a position to replace many of the missing items. Both the congregation and the new donor enjoyed the blessing of generosity.

A quote I have seen phrased different ways and credited to different sources says, "We are not so much punished for our sins as by them." When I think of the former church members sitting in their home amidst the clutter of “undonated” items and think about the bridges they burned behind them as they exited, I am reminded again that just as generous, grace-filled living brings joy and blessing, miserly and graceless living brings misery.

Jesus once commented about how difficult it is for rich people to enter the kingdom of God. I think the difficulty of being generous is a big part of that. Being open-handed is especially difficult for people who excel at hanging onto money and material goods, generally a requirement for accumulating and retaining wealth. It is difficult to have the generous and gracious spirit that characterizes kingdom living while clinging tightly to material wealth.

Sometimes we are positive examples. Sometimes we are examples of where the wrong path leads. I don't always make the most generous choices, It is easy for me to cling too tightly to things I could easily give away. Because of this, I try to remind myself often (and find reading material to remind me) that I virtually never regret being generous.

On 8,000,000,000 People

In Genesis 9:1, after the flood, God instructed Noah and his family to increase in number and fill the earth.

I think it is safe to say that we have done it. The global population is fast approaching eight billion people. That is 8,000,000,000. According to Wikipedia, there are around 75 people per square mile in the part of rural America where I live. In the world's most densely populated cities that number rises to 75,000. That level of density is beyond my comprehension. Obviously, the people in those cities are not able to grow enough food to feed themselves. Earth is showing definite signs of stress from the burden of sustaining such a large population. We are full up.

One question to ask is: Will someone (Someone?) or something eventually put the brakes on? Whether one believes in God, natural evolution, or fate, it seems clear something needs to change if earth is to remain habitable for future generations. Whether it be a global pandemic or war or starvation or genocide, it seems inevitable that we must somehow control earth's human population growth in order to thrive and leave room for other species as well as agriculture.

Along those lines, I have been pondering a "what if ..." question: 

What if whatever Force or force is in charge of capping earth's human population brought multiple resources to the table? Would some of those tools involve lowering the fertility rate of humanity? Contraceptives could be a start: various means to prevent human sperm from reaching human eggs. But maybe that is just one part of the solution. Maybe human sexuality needs a total rework. Either less of a sex drive or alternative means for sexual satisfaction that do not result in conception.

It seems to me we are seeing this sort of force (or Force) at work. Fertility rates are dropping in many areas. There are multiple reasons for this. One factor is an increase in homosexuality. The human sex drive remains strong, but it no longer automatically seeks to unite sperm with egg.

What if this is a natural response to an over-populated planet? What if there is no "sin" involved? Even if those who see biblical sexual mandates as applying to monogamous unions between consensual adults in the 21st century are right -- and there is much room for debate there even among those who view the Bible as the inspired Word of God -- they were given in a time when the world population was less than 200 million. Is it possible we are in a completely different age now in terms of what is good for humanity and our host planet? Do we need to be open to a new view of human sexuality?

In John 9, Jesus' disciples questioned him about the source of sin in a man born blind. If the parents sinned, why was it their child who was punished? On the other hand, how could one blame the man if he had no opportunity to sin before being struck with blindness. The part of the puzzle they did not question was that blindness was punishment for sin. Jesus' response was that neither the parents nor the son was to blame for the blindness. There was no sinful act behind it.

Today we know there are many different causes for blindness. Some people are born blind, others develop diseases of the eyes, others become blind due to accidents or poor choices by themselves or others, but blindness in itself is not seen as a sign of moral deficiency. It is a physical issue, not a moral issue.

I am left-handed. The Latin word for left is sinister. In many times and places favoring one's left hand has been seen as a sign of being sinister -- rebellious, out of step with society, even evil. I am relieved to have never encountered that view as a child, partly due to the full acceptance of my left-handedness by my parents. If I had run into such prejudice, I would be no less left-handed, but I would certainly deal with guilt and self-doubt, something that has never plagued me in this regard. Being left-handed has always been something I see as making me part of a fun subset of the population, even when inconvenient. In a crowd, I often look around to find my fellow "lefties." (The 1 in 10 ratio holds pretty true. In a crowd of 30, I expect to find at least two other lefties and usually do.)

What if we could view those outside the cisgender population in that same light? Maybe being left-handed has made that easier for me to do. When I recently discovered that a young man I took a liking to several years ago is gay, I thought to myself, "I KNEW there was something special about him!" It occurred to me that even though I am fully heterosexual, I seem drawn to young people who fall outside the norms. I like their nonconformity and flair. They are part of a special subset of the population that appeals to me.

Different? Yes. Sinister? Not at all. And perhaps just what we need at this stage of human development. The earth is full already! Why would we call what seems to be naturally increasing within humanity in an overpopulated world "sinister" or "evil"? Especially when the people outside the norms have so much to offer? My world is a better place because of them! AND they never have to worry about unintentionally adding to earth's population count.

Just some thoughts.

On Truth and Grace

Recently, a thirty-something young man shared his pain with me. I could tell he was deeply wounded, feeling shut out of the inner workings of an entity that mattered to him. He was not only representing his own pain, but also that of others. 

I managed to listen with little comment, mostly asking questions to better understand. I could tell his points were well-rehearsed: I was not the first to hear the list of injustices he has endured. Apparently, talking about them previously has done nothing to lessen his sense of injustice, more to hone his points. Now he has practiced his delivery one more time.

Listening is a skill I am still working on. It is an act of faith, believing there is power in it, that I don't have to somehow come up with words of wisdom in response to a flow of words coming my direction in order to make a difference. On this occasion I did better than sometimes. While I am aware of perspectives that place others in a better light than he casts them in, he was not open to hearing words to that effect and I managed to refrain from sharing them.

A few days earlier I had a very different conversation with another young man around the same age. In that exchange, I was defeated by my companion's well-developed debating skills multiple times. He asked me pointed questions, rejected my responses as not answering those questions, and then shot down my subsequent attempts to respond as evidence of my flawed thinking. And I let it happen. I was not up to verbal sparring at his level, and I didn't care if he "won." I have no need for his approval of my "truth."^ I like that he finds me a worthy opponent for the verbal jousting he so obviously enjoys. And the fact that he sometimes attacked a position I had not taken in the moment let me know my influence goes beyond what I actually say. Whether he was harking back to previous exchanges or had simply built up a caricature of my worldview in his mind, he wasn't far enough off from my actual thinking for me to protest. He set up "truth" on my behalf and then shot it down as false. But -- and this is an important point -- actual Truth was unmoved by his arguments. Truth is enduring. It's not as though God flickers in and out of existence depending on the strength of atheists' arguments. 

I don't know how valid my own "truth" is, but having someone shoot down that "truth" as logically flawed doesn't seem to have harmed it any. Rather, I am pleased that my young friend is aware of someone in his world who doesn't accept the "truth" taught in the bubble where he mainly dwells. Because I am part of his life, even though our paths cross infrequently, he has thought about why he believes the way he does and why I am wrong. That is not a bad thing from my point of view. Next he needs to figure out how I continue to believe as I do despite his bullet-proof arguments.

This morning I read in Titus 3 advice for believers "to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone" (verse 2) because "at one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived, and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures" (verse 3) I have thirty-plus years on my recent partners in conversation. I have been where they are: angry at being excluded; convinced that I could change someone's "truth" to better reflect my own through logical arguments. I don't want to go back there. At this point in my life, I need to focus more on being peaceable, considerate, and gentle toward everyone.

An article from evangelicalism I read recently talked about the struggle to balance truth and grace. Too much truth without grace is hard and unkind. Too much grace without truth is mushy and useless. We need to find the delicate balance between the two. (There was no delineation between capital T Truth and each individual's grasp of "truth" in that article. Rather, the author spoke of "objective truth," which is apparently knowable, but still somehow not accepted by everyone.)

The concern for balance between truth and grace may be valid, but it leaves out the fact that grace without truth is almost, if not completely, impossible to offer. My personal "truth" slips out in various ways as I live my life. For example, people may listen to my words and notice my vocabulary doesn't include "coarse language." They may then presume I am opposed to such language and assign that "truth" to me whether it fits or not, because it fits other people who have schooled them in this area. There is no reason for me to verbalize my ambivalent and changing views on the topic. That is not a conversation they are looking to have. 

Whatever my standards for my own speech, that doesn't mean I am bothered by the language others use.^^ I may be full of grace on the subject, but people can still think I am judging them in my mind and respond to me as though I had spoken the words they have heard from others whom they think are just like me.

I have no idea how much "truth" in such areas people pick up as we interact. I am confident, however, that enough is transmitted that focusing my intentional communication completely on grace to the best of my ability will still land me farther from the grace end of the truth-grace continuum than I would like to be. Not only does my own life and speech lean naturally toward "truth," but also, as a Christian in the Bible belt, I tend to get lumped in with the rigid "truth" that tends to characterize all religion. People presume they know what I believe as a Christian without bothering to ask questions and truly listen to my answers.

True grace is not an easy, spineless response to others. It requires considerable effort to see people, accept them, and forgive them. There is a reason God's grace has so frequently been described as amazing.

Titus chapter 3 goes on to say that "when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy." Kindness and love, not truth-telling and judgment. And mercy! I am not there yet in living exclusively in kindness, love, and mercy, but it is a goal worth pursuing.

^Disclaimer #1: I am mostly putting "truth" in quotes here. I believe in absolute truth -- Truth with a capital T. I do not believe that I have a handle on that Truth. My "truth" and every other person's falls short of that absolute Truth, which I see as approachable, but far beyond human comprehension.

^^Disclaimer #2: All exchanges described here, real and potential, are between adults. One of the most freeing moments of my life was when my youngest child moved into adulthood and I realized I was no longer responsible for parenting anyone, including policing the language of others.

Homosexuality -- Where I Stand and Why (from March 2014)

Note: I posted these words to the forum called NazNet.com in March 2014. I am reposting them here with only light grammatical editing for the purpose of preservation and reference. Eight years later, my thoughts on the subject are basically the same. The biggest difference is more extensive exposure to members of the LGBTQ+ community who are faithfully serving God and their faith communities. I have greatly benefited from the spiritual insight I have found among them.

From March 2014:

I have been asked several times to provide biblical support for my position on homosexuality and gay marriage. This post is intended to address that issue.

First, I need to clearly state my position on the matter: I believe that the question of sexual ethics for 
Christians experiencing exclusively same-sex attraction can be answered only from within the community of those experiencing such attraction. The larger Christian community must refrain from trying to determine God’s will for people whose experiences they have never experienced. So, to the question, "Are same-gender sexual relationships a sin?" my response is, "I don't know. It's not my sin; it's not my temptation."

Second, having exposed myself to the words of those living in this tension, I am seeing a rising number of Christian gays concluding that God can and does bless committed, monogamous, loving, same-gender relationships – marriage. In keeping with my previously stated position, I respect the long, difficult journey that has brought them to this place and support them in this conclusion.

But, people ask, what about the Bible? Are we to set aside clear biblical teaching that 
homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord simply because some people who obviously are unable to 
take an objective viewpoint are willing to do so?

Yes. We already set aside clear biblical teaching. All the time. Leviticus? We already pick and choose 
among the many regulations there. We keep those that make sense in our current times and set aside 
those that don’t. And that practice started before the canon was even closed. In Acts 15 Peter said to 
those trying to press the levitical law on new believers, “[W]hy do you try to test God by putting on 
the necks of Gentiles a yoke that neither we nor our ancestors have been able to bear? No! We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are.” The Jerusalem church then boiled the law down to four regulations, one of which -- consuming meat "polluted by idols" -- Paul later addressed with a "live and let live" approach. They didn't even include the most long-lasting sign of covenant with God on the list -- circumcision.

The thing is, the law of God is summed up by Jesus as containing two central elements – love God; love others. If you do this, you are fulfilling the law. It is a message repeated throughout the Old and New Testaments. Is there any lack of love involved in eating bacon? Not toward others, as far as I can see. Toward God only if you see O.T. dietary restrictions as essential to demonstrating love for God, a litmus test, so to speak. But Genesis tells us, and Romans and Hebrews repeat, that what pleases God is not rule-keeping but faith and trust. “Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness.” Sometimes such belief includes a faith that God cares about a lot of other things more than bacon. And maybe even more than the anatomy of sexual relationships. (A question which, again, I would leave to those for whom this is a personal issue.) When works are considered as a basis for judgment in the Bible, as is often the case, the question almost always boils down to how one treats "the least of these". (If you need specific scripture references here, there are plenty.)

One needs to ask, Does gay courtship and marriage violate the law of love? If so, in what way? It offends the sensitivities of many people. Does it show a lack of love toward those offended by it? Do we all need to live in such a way that our freedom never offends another person? Is that even possible? At what cost should people avoid activities that offend others? Again, that's a question for those who would pay the price to struggle with together before the throne of God.

But what about the New Testament? people ask. Even after Christ was resurrected and salvation by faith was fully established, the prohibition against homosexual relationships continued.

My response to that is three-fold.

1. There are multiple instructions in the New Testament epistles that Christians don’t follow. In our 
own tradition we ordain women for ministry. And we are soft toward the sin of divorce and remarriage, even though Jesus clearly defined it as adultery. With or without Old Testament support, we set aside clear instructions from the New Testament. To choose this one issue as the "last stand" against compromise is more indicative of our personal prejudice than any true Bible scholarship.

2. There is no definition offered as to what is meant by homosexuality in the NT passages. Was Paul talking about a committed, mutual, monogamous relationship between two adults? Or did he have in mind a practice that victimized and dehumanized the weak?

3. There is no reference to exclusive same-sex attraction as an issue for believers. But today this is indeed an issue. We have many testimonies of young people who were raised to believe that homosexuality is a choice and a sin and were devastated to discover same-sex attraction within their own beings, completely unbidden and without remedy. This goes way beyond whatever Paul so casually dropped into his lists of obvious sins. This is unbidden desire in place of the desire Paul regarded as normal and to be addressed in non-sinful ways by Christians – “it is better to marry than to burn,” as the KJV renders 1 Corinthians 7:9.

Once those asking questions explain why I’m wrong on the biblical front, they pull out 2,000 years of church tradition. How can I discount all that history? Can the church possibly have been wrong for that long?

I don’t know. We seem to be dealing with something unprecedented – young people who make a commitment to God long before puberty gradually realizing that not only are they Christian, but they are also gay. Where are the stories of this happening all through the last two millennia? Where was 
this dealt with in the early church councils? In the Reformation? In the 1950s? When did the homosexuals “out there” suddenly become “our kids,” trying desperately to figure out what’s the matter with them, how they ended up in such a situation?

I am reminded of the passage from Isaiah 43:18-19:

“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland. (NIV)

There does seem to be at least a little precedence to setting the past aside when dealing with the possibility that God may be doing a new thing in our midst.

On the Power of Nice

In the past few years, I have left behind much of the evangelical guilt that for so long crushed my soul. Whether it was a stated goal of “making more and better disciples” (sending a clear message that whatever level of discipleship we were at wasn't good enough) or frequent calls to pray more, read the Bible more, evangelize more, or attend church more, the overriding message was that whatever we were doing wasn't enough. Never enough.

Of the many blog feeds I read on a regular basis, only a handful are connected to that old evangelical world of guilt. A recent article from Relevant magazine had me checking the source. It seemed out of step with the typical message from that editorial team. In this case, the “not good enough” message was that simply being a good person – kind, even loving – would never attract anyone to Christ.

This is, of course, not a new message for me. In a world where nothing is ever good enough, being a nice person certainly isn't going to earn any gold stars, and the writer of that article is far from the first person to explain this to me. His words stirred up all the internal protests of old.

What is the basis of this conclusion? The author notes that when someone is kind, even loving, toward him or his family, he thinks it's wonderful, but he doesn't tag that person as a Christian, just as a nice person. If he personally doesn't associate kindness with Christianity, why would anyone else?

It is interesting. For many years, I fretted over my inability to be a “soul-winner.” I tried my best to witness and swing conversations around to spiritual matters. I found it impossible to do without coming across as beyond awkward and alienating people. Maybe that is because I am a terrible Christian. Maybe it is because I am not comfortable with making other people uncomfortable and sabotaging my relationships. (If I were a better Christian, I suppose witnessing to others would not sabotage my relationships, but despite all my best efforts I could never get there.) 

In all my life, I have just one memory of someone introducing me to another person as a “real Christian.” It surprised me since I had never discussed my faith with that person. All I had ever done was express an interest in his life, in his pain and grief. That's it. I was nice to him. And I tried to speak  with kindness to and about other people in his presence.

At the time of the introduction we were standing in an evangelical church. This man and his friend were waiting in line to pick up a box of groceries. I was simply hanging out with the people in line, not particularly contributing anything to the food distribution effort. There was an implication in his words that not all who are involved in that church or maybe any church are “real Christians.” Not that there are sinners sneaking in, but that those who profess to be saints might not be the genuine article. Why would he doubt the genuineness of active church members and label me as the real thing? What was the difference? Certainly not my ability to verbalize my faith! The only possible difference I could think of is that he saw kindness and compassion in me that he didn't see in those whose Christianity he doubted.

I have been thinking about the Relevant article for a couple of days. As it has hovered in the back of my mind, I have noticed again how mean Christians are on social media. Someone in a Facebook group is struggling in her marriage. The other women in the group rally around her and say, “Walk away from that bum! You deserve better!” I can't imagine the disgust that would come my way if I gently pointed out that the marriage might be worth fighting for. Yes, it's a rebound relationship and maybe progressed too quickly, but it seems there is good there, that maybe my Facebook friend is being a little overly sensitive, and maybe counseling could help. Is it kind to advise someone to throw away their marriage without encouraging her to step back and see if there is something salvageable in it? No one in the group knows the husband personally. How can they so easily discount any efforts he might be putting into the relationship? It hasn't been so long since we were hearing how wonderful he was. And her current complaints don't strike me as signs that the marriage needs to end. Why does the group have so little compassion for the husband and hope for the marriage to survive and thrive?

In another FB group someone is unhappy with the conservative church they are attending. The group comes together and shouts, “Walk away! These losers aren't worth your effort! Drive however far you need to get from your local community to find a more progressive faith community!”

On Twitter someone tells a story of a seminary professor making offensive comments about a Bible passage. Progressive Christian Twitter takes up arms to drive that professor out of Dodge. “Report him! Such comments are horrible! He must be a horrible person! Who is he? I'll take him out myself!”

A friend once said, “Never underestimate the power of nice,” but the author of the Relevant article doesn't associate “nice” with Christianity. The message is that a person encountering niceness wouldn't know what lay behind it. I wonder. Is the article perhaps also a commentary on how unlikely people are to associate Christianity with kindness?

Jesus told his disciples that people would recognize their connection to him by their love. (see John 13:35) Why do people assert that love will never be enough to make people think we are associated with Jesus, that we're obviously going to have to tell them (even if they don't ask) or they'll never know?

There are several questions here: 

1) Can people be consistently loving, good, and kind without knowing Christ? 

2) Is genuine loving kindness rare enough for people to be surprised by it and wonder what lies behind it? 

3) Can people know Christ and still show a marked lack of love and compassion in their lives?

I would say “yes” to the first question, but find it unlikely in anyone who hasn't gone deep spiritually. It requires a certain level of faith that life works best when we focus more on the interests of others than our own interests. That is what Jesus taught. Some have discovered that truth by taking other paths, but it is rare even in Christianity. The drive to look out for our own interests at the price of harming others is strong.

The second question is one we can each assess in our own world. How many people do you personally know who are characterized by kindness and consideration toward other people in their words and actions – to those present and not present? I have occasionally been surprised when a Christian I have seen as consistently kind and gentle exposes, in an unguarded moment, a deep vein of bitterness in their soul toward someone. I blink a couple of times and hold my tongue, but it throws me. Does everyone have areas of rancor in their innermost beings? Is there hope for healing in those areas? My friend who noted the unexpected “power of nice” may be onto something. “Nice” that permeates someone's entire being may be rare indeed. Sometimes I wonder if it exists anywhere? When I do run across love and compassion, it makes me think the one showing it, whether intentionally or not, is validating the truth found in the teachings of Jesus Christ.

As for the third question, I'm not the one to pass judgment on the connection others have to Christ. I will let those outside the church assess the attractiveness of such Christians while treasuring that one moment when someone described me as a “real Christian” based on how nice I had been to him and others. I pray I may live up to such an assessment. Having walked away from the guilt-laden atmosphere of evangelicalism, I am willing to let my life speak for itself. Jesus said, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” I have concluded that the act of following is my first and best strategy for making a difference in my world.

Do I talk about my faith? Uhm, well, that's what I'm doing right now. If you have made it this far, I presume you are interested in such matters. Faith is one of my favorite topics, right up there with books and gardening. But part of putting other people's interests ahead of my own is talking about what interests them! And many people don't want to discuss religion, particularly those who aren't religious.

Faith is part of who I am, an essential part. I read about it, write about it, talk about it. But I no longer try to talk about it to someone who doesn't want to discuss it. I'm nicer than that. And one should never underestimate the power of nice.

On an Internet Meme

 I have left a lot of the evangelical subculture behind in the past few years. Part of doing so involves a deliberate focus on what lies in the direction I'm moving rather than on what is happening in the rearview mirror. This may, however, be the first of a series of thoughts on what I'm encountering among the faithful remnant carrying the flag of evangelicalism. My hope is that I can be gentle and kind in my response. We'll see how it goes.

Some of my social media friends have posted this meme in the past few days. The first time I cringed and scrolled on. I repeated my frequent instructions to myself: “Just ignore it. There is no need to respond.” Then someone I highly respect shared it. That made me stop and look more closely and ask: What is it about this meme that makes me cringe?

I think I'm mostly fine with the second half. I certainly agree that God is worthy of my worship, although I don't know that I need to go to church to worship God. Some would argue that point, but I'm not particularly interested in that discussion. As to the flawed people who gather at church, some of my friends love the idea that, as one songwriter put it, “the cross has made me flawless.” Others sport bumper stickers that say, “Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven.” 

Are church people hopelessly flawed? Does grace cover our flaws? As Christians do we get a pass for being less than perfect? Less than loving? Less than moral? Less than honest? Less than ethical? Less than kind? Again, there are plenty of people to discuss this topic, and I'm probably not going to spend a lot of time joining them. I don't think I am in a position to critique someone who decides they prefer to spend Sunday mornings in the company of people who have the overall effect of lifting them up rather than bringing them down. Is it too much to admit that there are more than a few toxic and dysfunctional congregations operating in the world of Christianity?

As I studied the meme, I realized what really bothers me is the first line: “Stop looking for a perfect church.” It is in the form of a command. To whom? People who are looking for perfect churches. Obviously. Those people should stop.

I presume that those who share this meme on Facebook have encountered people they think are looking for a perfect church. How have they discerned this? Do such people say, “I am leaving this church behind. It has imperfect people and I am on a quest to find a perfect church”? I suspect not. There are many reasons why people choose to walk away from a faith community. The hope that they might find a flawless group of people around the block or down the road is probably not among those reasons. Ever. 

This idea that people are looking for a perfect church comes not from those leaving but from those left behind. They are stung by the departure. They feel the rejection. They are faced with two options:

1. The group being left behind are the problem.

2. The people leaving are the problem

The first option is uncomfortable. If I am among those left behind and I start to think the problem lies with me, I deal with guilt and become defensive. I fear anything I do will be seen by critics as wrong. I become paralyzed.  On the other hand, if I blame the departure on others in the group, I become critical and negative.  My own unity with the group starts to suffer. Dealing with rejection is difficult!

The second option is so much nicer. We are fine. Sure, we're imperfect, but we don't deserve to be left behind like this. It's obvious those leaving are the ones who have the problem. They must think there's a perfect church out there somewhere. Let's make a meme that makes us feel better about how imperfect we are and makes those leaving look like they have impossibly high standards. Yes, that's a great idea.

Is there a better path? I hope so. I presume there are plenty of books and therapy approaches to help people deal with rejection personally that can also be applied to being rejected as a faith community. There are probably steps such as introspection to assess the validity of the reasons being actually voiced by those walking away versus the easy 'they are the ones with a problem' reasons assigned to them by internet memes. The first step would be to ask those leaving why they are going. Some groups do something called an “exit interview” to help them hear what they need to hear. Presuming they can somehow collect that information and understand it, they can then take an honest look at themselves and respond to what they have heard. Are changes needed? Given the group's core values (presuming they have discerned those values), how can they adjust in response to the critique? Do others share the perspective of those leaving? How valid is the critique? Is there any nugget of truth in an otherwise questionable critique that can be mined for value?

Somewhere between the first option of paralyzing self-blame in the face of rejection and and the second option of self-justification by labeling those leaving as the ones with the problem, there is a path of healthy self-assessment that doesn't require placing negative labels on others in order to feel good about ourselves. It may not be as convenient as an internet meme (and comes with its own set of potential pitfalls), but it certainly has more potential for healthy growth as a community.

On Entering the Kingdom of Heaven: Thoughts for Holiness People

Last year I posted three sets of thoughts on this topic -- one, two, three -- and am probably done with the subject for general consumption. However, I still have some thoughts from the perspective of my tribe: the "holiness people" associated with the Church of the Nazarene.

I was introduced to Mildred Bangs Wynkoop's book The Theology of Love in the late 1990s. It was a breath of fresh air to me. I was just discovering new ideas from outside the bubble I had been raised in, where holiness preaching promised freedom from sin and, yet, often produced people who could be described as "mean-spirited." 

I have told the story before of following one of the premiere holiness preachers of my teen years through a cafeteria lunch line and listening to him speak in an irritated, devaluing tone to the young lady working there because the food he wanted was not available. I had noticed a frequent discrepancy between the preaching and the living but thought maybe I just had yet to find a prime example of sanctification. But if this beloved holiness preacher wasn't sanctified to the level of his own preaching, who was? Surely sanctification ought to, at a minimum, generate enough grace and mercy to be kind to a young cafeteria worker who obviously had no control over the menu or the food on hand.

The simplistic answer to this issue is that even sanctified people are still human and get tired and grumpy. Grumpiness is not a sin, it's just grumpiness -- a human response to fatigue and the irritations of life. Grumpy people sometimes direct their irritation toward the wrong people. It's no big deal.

Ok, but, then, what DOES sanctification do for us? The most frequent answer I’ve heard is that it gives us power to refrain from sinning. What is sin? John Wesley famously defined sin as "a voluntary transgression of a known law of God." What known law of God? Again, the easy answer is: "Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not bear false witness. Honor thy father and thy mother." You know, the Ten Commandments. (This is the answer Jesus gave the young man who asked about inheriting eternal life in Luke 18:18-23, although I'm pretty sure he didn't use King James English in his response. 😁)

Still, as I observed in the first three posts on this subject, pagans often do better than that. They may break some of the Ten Commandments, but they often excel at "love your neighbor as yourself," which Jesus called, along with loving God, the greatest commandment.  

Wynkoop defines holiness as love. And there is actually more to the Wesley quote above. In full it says: "Nothing is sin, strictly speaking, but a voluntary transgression of a known law of God. Therefore, every voluntary breach of the law of love is sin; and nothing else, if we speak properly." (Emphasis added.)

“Love is patient. Love is kind” (1 Corinthians 4:8).

If holiness doesn't make us patient and kind, what good is it? If we don't count impatience and unkindness as "sin," are we true Wesleyans? Aren't these breaches of the law of love? Are all examples of impatience and unkindness in holiness people involuntary and unavoidable, therefore not sin? If so, I ask again, what DOES sanctification do for us? If it's not powerful enough to enable a gracious response to something as trivial as a disappointing cafeteria lunch selection, why bother?

I can't get past the definition I grew up with. Holiness as I heard it preached always seemed to mean following a list of rules: being religious in appearance, doing religious things, keeping oneself clean by avoiding the moral dirt around us. Sanctification was something we could get in a moment and then perfect over a lifetime, having had our sinful nature eradicated and being made pure. I sought that experience for years with growing despair.

Jesus didn't live a life of religious piety that prompted him to move away from people. He was kind to the hurting. He touched the unclean. He hung out with the wrong sort of people. He wasn't afraid of getting dirty. As Rebecca Pippert Manley wrote in Out of the Saltshaker, "It is a profound irony that the Son of God visited this planet and one of the chief complaints against him was that he was not religious enough." Not that he wasn't loving enough. He wasn't "holy" enough.

Holiness, as I have traditionally heard it defined generates a religion long on piety and short on love and compassion toward those who most need it. I try to align the definition of holiness as deeper love and compassion with the messages I've heard, but it doesn't seem to fit. One moves toward broken people, the other maintains a distance from them in order to stay pure.

In my life, I have had to leave traditional holiness preaching behind in order to embrace holiness as love. The first thing I had to do was open the door to the idea that I am not even close to living a sinless life by John Wesley's definition of sin. I am not always kind or patient. Sometimes I am just plain mean. Or grumpy. By choice. (If not a choice in the moment, sometimes a choice in not recognizing and working to avoid my triggers.) I truly dislike some people. It's not a case of "love them but don't like them." The truth is, I don't love them. More, I don't want to love them. In fact, I would be just fine with God smiting them -- just a little. Enough to knock them off their high horse. My love and mercy are far from perfect.

That's not where I want to stay, but it is where I sometimes find myself. In order to move forward, I need to accept that lack of achievement in myself and truly rely on God's grace as a compassionate and merciful God. I don't measure up. I have never measured up. But I am loved by the God who created me, sees and accepts my every blemish, and every day nudges me another step forward. I have not arrived, but by the grace of God, I think I may be making progress.

I like the parallel passages from Matthew's "Sermon on the Mount" and Luke's "Sermon on the Plain." In Matthew 5:48 Jesus says, "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." In Luke 6:36 he says, "Be merciful, just as as your Father is merciful" I have heard people explain that "perfect" in Matthew doesn't actually mean perfect, as in flawless. Rather it means completely able to serve a purpose. A perfect tool isn't flawless; but it is completely able to do what it's intended to do. Once again, we're back to the idea of personal qualifications. But what if the goal of a "perfect" life is unwavering mercy toward others? What if that is a goal we always and forever pursue rather than a state we can achieve and then retire from the race? I will admit that the idea of always finding a new goal toward which to strive appeals to me. Every time I finally manage to develop compassion toward one person or group of people, I discover another blind spot I need to work on. I wonder if that old holiness preacher was actively nurturing greater compassion in his heart for the young people serving him in a long string of campground cafeterias. I wonder how often he was able to see them and love them and if he was working on doing it more and better today than yesterday. (For all I know, he may have later apologized to the teen girl in the cafeteria for his irritation.)

The truth is, I fully believe in "heart holiness." I believe God can transform us into people whose primary goal in life is to show love and compassion to all we encounter and who accept every failure to do so as falling into the same category as stealing (from the other person's self-worth), murdering (the sense of value within them that needs to be kept alive and nurtured), and coveting (wanting the self-centered careless life we think others enjoy). It's only when we fully embrace Jesus' call to show compassion and mercy to others that we can see how far we have to go and anticipate moving steadily in that direction.

There is no endpoint for spiritual growth. Maybe someday, with enough perseverance, I can catch up with my "sinner" friends who are entering the kingdom ahead of me. (See Matthew 21:31) That would be a wonderful achievement! I'm still working on it and thankful for every chance I get to see genuine love in action.