Sunday, December 04, 2005

Me, Me, Me

Blog (Weblog): An online journal.

Journal: An account of what happens or of what one thinks, feels, or notices, such as a diary, a ship’s log, or the written account of what happens at each meeting of a society or town meeting. (World Book Dictionary, Thorndike Barnhart, 1984)

Ponder: To consider carefully, think over. (1984 World Book Dictionary again)

Ponderings: Considerations, personal analyses. (Not in dictionary)

So I have a blog, an online account of either what happens or what I think, feel, or notice, carrying a title coined from a term meaning personal thoughts. I think that takes the focus off of actual happenings and leaves me with just thoughts. My thoughts. My feelings. What I notice.

I was sharing my feelings on a particular matter with someone this week while trying to resolve a conflict which had popped up unexpectedly. It felt so self-centered. Does it matter what I think on the matter? It would be foolish to think that anyone else thinks exactly like I do. There’s NO one who thinks like I do on every subject. There may not be many who share my feelings on most subjects. If I’m the only one who is bothered by something, is it even worth mentioning?

Perhaps I should check to see how others feel on various subjects so that I can report their thoughts, feelings, and observations instead of focusing in on my own. Of course, I’d have to make sure I completely understood what they told me so that I could report it accurately. And I’d need permission to broadcast those thoughts and feelings on a public blog site. Even if I’m not planning to share those thoughts publicly, there are still difficulties in accurately understanding and reporting what other people think and feel. I may THINK I know how others are responding to something, but I don’t really have a complete grasp on their thoughts even after they attempt to share them with me. Sometimes the thoughts don’t fit well into words. Sometimes I look behind the words for hidden meanings and guess incorrectly as to what the unspoken undertones are saying. Sometimes I have filters installed that interpret the meanings of the words and give them a slightly different hue. I might filter them to be more in keeping with my own thoughts. Or I might give them more or less charitable interpretations.

Back to this week's conversation. I shared that a particular approach to management makes me feel a certain way. I was guessing that maybe other people respond in a similarly negative way but I don’t really know that to be the case. If it’s true, it might be helpful to the person doing the managing to hear my thoughts as representative of those of other people. But if my response reflects personal hangups, maybe I’m better off trying to disarm my ‘hot buttons’ rather than complaining to the one who pushes them. Even if my thoughts and feelings are representative of how others respond, will the person with whom I share dismiss them as springing from my own personality problems?

The thoughts, feelings, and observations I know best and am most authorized to publicize are my own. Some of what I share might reflect a common thought process. Other times I might verbalize the unformed thoughts of others. Much of what I share may simply seem like it’s coming out of left field. My thoughts are not always rational or ‘correct’ or helpful. They may not even be particularly interesting most of the time. They’re just the ones I have. If anyone would like to share some of their own thoughts here (in the comments), they’re welcome to do so. Meanwhile, it's a blog. It's all about me. Which may get pretty boring after a while.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Currently I have been spending some time thinking about alternative energy options, most specifically wind turbines. I was told that grandpa used to have one on top of the garage, about which I didn't know. I, at this point in time, have four books checked out on the subject. I read once, while preparing a research paper, that if a person reads three books on a subject they can be considered an expert on the matter (the statement assumes comprehension, it seems). I don't know if I'll be more than an expert when I'm done, but we'll find out.

Marsha Lynn said...

Interesting thoughts, Nate. The wind generator has faded to a faint ghost of a memory for me. I think I must have moved out before it arrived.

Three books to expert status, eh? I guess that makes me an expert on prayer, Wesleyan theology, evangelism, Christian living, library management, horseback riding, and various other subjects. I don't know, though. It seems as though some subjects, such as horseback riding, require not only "book larnin'" but also some experience and hands-on training in putting what's in the books into practice. What do you think?

Our new wood furnace is supposed to arrive this week. Does that count as an alternative energy source? The solar collectors were permanently retired when the house was reroofed. It was a good idea but there were always maintenance issues.